Let Saturnalia Last All Year!!!
Saturnalia (1783) by Antoine-François Callet, showing his interpretation of what the Saturnalia might have looked like.
So what is Saturnalia? Maybe the best way to get to that answer is by starting with pirates. Here is an excerpt from the draft of my children's chapter book on Pirates that explains their understanding of freedom:
What is Freedom?
What do you think the word freedom means? Some say it’s doing whatever you want without needing to care about what others think. But that's not freedom, that’s loneliness. A good way explain freedom is with the example of how you and your friends decide what toppings to get when you order pizza. You could be stubborn and demand what you want but your friends might get annoyed at you and not want to eat with you again. This would be acting like the captain of a merchant ship who can only get whatever he wants because he controls people. This also puts him at risk for a mutiny. You could also just eat pizza all by yourself but that’s like being the governor of an island. Real freedom is what you probably already do. You talk with your friends about what you all like, if there is anything you don't eat, and what would be best for everyone. When that happens, it's ok if the pizza toppings are something you like but maybe not your absolute favorite. That's because it’s not just about getting what you want. Sharing good pizza with friends is much better than eating your favorite pizza alone. So to really be free, you have to first care about the people around you. Then you work with them to decide on something everyone likes. This is why freedom and democracy are connected.
After writing this a couple months ago, I have been thinking a lot about how so many of us are so bad about knowing how to be free. Sure, we can hopefully order a pizza together with our friends, but when we have ideas we are passionate about, do we let the ideas take precedence over the people around us? It's something I see a lot in various facets of personal, professional, and public life. We are so passionate that we are unwilling to compromise and end up having to submit to someone else's arbitration authority to get anything done together.
After all, creative democratic collaboration is a learned skill and we don't have a lot of boss-free chances to practice it together in our society.
As a parent this is something I think about a lot regarding what I model and teach my children as they grow.
Death to Binaries
French missionaries, fur traders, and colonial leaders in who established their colony in the Wendat territories in Turtle Island (what is now commonly called North America) in the 1600s were impressed by the oratory, dialogue, and debate skills of their new indigenous neighbors. They spoke of how every indigenous person was capable of intense reasoned debate. Why? Because unlike the deeply hierarchical French missionaries and functionaries, the Wendat and other indigenous neighbors made decisions democratically through reasoned discussions.[1] It was a life-long skill that was impressive to people who let that part of themselves atrophy by always needing to follow orders.
But chaos will ensue if people don't follow orders!
No. Just be reasonable. What is reasonable? Not thinking in binaries. Not thinking in terms of "this is the best way to do something."
But that leads to sub-optimal solutions!
No. Sub-optimal is evaluated by the criteria used and not everyone has the same criteria. As I wrote above in my pirate book, that is where caring about the people around you comes in. If there is a solution or a decision that is affecting multiple people, it will likely effect them in various ways to varying degrees. They will also bring different experience, skills, and requirements to the solution. So an optimal solution necessarily incorporates all the skills, requirements, experiences, of everyone affected.
This is why binaries of voting "yes" or "no", "good" or "bad" need to die because they leave no room for that complexity. A common approach to consensus includes three options:
Yes! I agree!!!
Not my favorite solution but I'm okay if that's what the group wants.
Block - this goes against our group values, hurts people, etc.
The middle option acknowledges and cares about people in the room. The middle option is expressed after you've had your chance to not only share your views but listen to and engage others' views. The middle option is what is so often missing in how our society functions. The middle option is what makes always taking orders or needing a boss unnecessary. It allows us to be more like the 17th Century Wendat and less like that 17th Century French Royal Subjects.
And Parenting?
So as much as I want to spread this democratic approach to decision-making with other adults, I'm not sure I always know how to model and teach this approach with my passionate 5 year old. Despite the aforementioned lack of cultural practice, I think most people today want to think of themselves as more like the democratic Wendat than the submissive French Royal Subjects. Yet this commentary below about the Wendat by Father Lallemant in the Jesuit Relations in 1644 scares me as a parent (emphasis is mine):
I do not believe that there is any people on earth freer than they (the Wendat), and less able to allow the subjection of their wills to any power whatever – so much so that Fathers here have no control over their children, or Captains over their subjects, or the Laws of the country over any of them, except in so far as each is pleased to submit to them.[2]
When I read this, I cheer Captains not having power over their subjects and fear Fathers not having control over their children. But how do we get to that point of not needing to "allow the subjection of their wills" to Captains as adults?
Saturnalia... and Christmas
Saturnalia was the Roman festival from December 17 to 23 honoring their god Saturn. Its celebration included public banquets, private gift giving, marathon parties, and most importantly "masters provided table service for their slaves as it was seen as a time of liberty for both slaves and freedmen alike."[3] Saturnalia is generally seen as having an influence on how we celebrate Christmas today and the date of December 25 for Christmas was likely chosen as a Christian alternative to Saturnalia.
If you look deeper, the parallels go beyond parties, banquets, and gift giving. After all, the story of Jesus is about how Jesus could have been king, but chose not to be. Despite his story being co-opted by many kings after him, he actually chose death over claiming kingship.[4] He didn't provide table service to his disciples but he did wash his disciple's feet.[5] According to the Bible, after his crucifixion his followers were empowered with the Holy Spirit with instructions of peace and forgiveness for each other.[6]
Thus it would not be wrong to say that both Christmas and Saturnalia are not only about caring for each other but also about an inversion of power dynamics.
Connecting the Dots...
So how does this all relate? As parents, we can and sometimes should make decisions for our children. Unlike some authoritarian leaders who treat the adults they lead as children, parents are responsible for leading actual children. But that does not mean we cannot work as parents to train our children to collaborate and make democratic decisions together when possible so they are ready to do so as adults. As they grow, we can model and teach our children the value of "not my favorite but I'm okay if that's what the family wants" and that a "no" or a "block" is only due to real harm or seeing something that goes against our values.
In other words, we can attempt to live out Saturnalia and Christmas all year by, when possible, choosing to invert or at least level our power relationship with our children to include them in family decision-making. This after all, this is how we build a more caring and democratic society.
Sources:
Graeber, David and D., Wengrow, The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity. New York, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2021,
The important point to note here is that despite this lack of control, there was less "crime" and social disorder in Wendat society at the time than in French. Graeber and Wengrow, The Dawn of Everything.
Mark 15:2-5
John 13:1-17
John 20:21-23